Often I jokingly say, "I want two husbands!" People laugh it off, but then shake their heads in agreement with me because they know, I'm really not joking. I don't really know where this idea came from for me, but its something I casually adopted when the reality of conventional relationships seemed to loosen from my grip. In other words, normal relationships wasn't something that I was good at. I mean, I've been in relationships for as long as I can remember. Men pegged me, "the wifey type," no matter how casual our relationship had been. As a pisces, I am a dreamer, and romance is big for me. When I fall in love, honey I have to have on a helmet, kneepads, and a mouth guard because I go all in. I lead with love, I am pure love, I was born to love people, animals, and our dear planet.
So when failed after failed relationships happened in my life, I was over the conventional man and woman, monogamy, the attempt to make it to death due us part. Couple that with the fact that I'd never witnessed a relationship or marriage that was void of some type of trauma of cheating, beating, abandonment, etc.
Okay let me get to the point. Then it started happening, more and more I would meet the seemingly perfect gentleman but he would be involved with another woman or married...hell even a man. I'm bewildered right? Like why the fuck is the universe sending me all these dudes already shacked up, in relationships, married, blah, blah, blah. Then fast forward to the year 2019, nope, that's it! It's 2 men periodt pooh! Men coming harder...but they're in the poly lifestyle. Then last night, not only is one of the dudes after me involved in the poly lifestyle he passes his wife his phone so she can explain how much of a catch her husband is! Whaaa? Ma'am, you are selling your husband to me?! What juice are you sipping cuz I don't want none of that. Nope, nah, miss me with all that! Then bingo it hits me! Isn't this what you've been asking for? Damn it is! I mean, how can I claim to want two husbands, when I can't accept the lifestyle period, whether its me with two husbands, or someone who is pursuing me in an open marriage/relationship? Guess what? I quickly realized its not what I want. I don't want to be a part of an open relationship, lifestyle, or marriage. So, if I can't accept that I ain't gonna be alright with two husbands.
I don't want to be a hypocrite. Shit, it is what it is. I am not interested in being an "addition," an "add-on," part of the plan, the program, the compound, shit, I don't do well with hanging on the other line. Also, the idea of a vacation with all of us, is out of the fucking picture. Sorry, not sorry...guess I am with the other side. The boring, "Where are we going for dinner," side. The, "Who are you on the phone with?" side. I don't do well with sharing, not even my food. I hate that I'm like this. I want to be on the cool side. The, "tell your girlfriend I said hello" The "should I bring a bottle of wine to our date, what kind of wine does your wife drink? "
But I'm not...so I am writing a new list of what I want in a man. I'll bring it to the Super Moon sound healing to manifest it. It is what it is...even if it is boring AF.