As a continued bodhisattva-in-training I truly thought my days of buddhahood were coming to an end. Especially, since the transitioning of my father. In so many ways I have been experiencing death repeatedly in various forms.
As a bodhisattva I invite all sentient beings as my guest and this is the starting point of applying compassion according to the Mahayana. By viewing sentient beings as guests, the bodhisattva has a constant sense of the impermanence of the relationship, because eventually all guests leave.
I welcome this, because if I ask people, situations to stay as permanent guests into my life I will have a fictional, contrived, existence. This is the cause of suffering, the holding on. Therefore, I let go, let go, let go continuously.
The act of constructing this ideal life of what spirituality is supposed to look like is contrived and forced. Especially online. Yet here we are trying to paint the picture of what our paths look like by sitting in lotus position (like above), sage burning, crystal jewelry, hippie vibes. We are trying to show just how spiritual we are by not looking conventional and trying our best to stand out. Desperately showing, "Look, I'm different, I am nothing like the rest of the humans, I'm important, I'm somebody!" Am I right? But in Buddhahood we are taught that we are nothing, impermanent, that this is all mere illusion and it will all slip away. I in turn invite it all to walk away. It is only in the letting go that rebirth will happen.
We’re not talking about giving up our precious human life here, of course; we’re talking about giving up on this subtle game. We hold pictures of our ideal self in an ideal world. We imagine that if we could only manipulate our circumstances or other people enough, then that ideal self could be achieved, and in the meantime, we try to pretend to have it together. It’s the game we play all the time: we keep postponing our acceptance of this moment in order to pursue reality as we think it should be.
I gave up the game long ago...yet people create their own game and contrived emotions based upon appearances of what they think I have or do not have in this construct of spirituality. It is based on their ego of how they are able to or not able to manipulate me for their own ego they feel they have that they choose to stay or go. I urge them to go. Go and find your path and allow your idea of who and what I am to die. Let it die a sweet death and if our paths cross again may your heart have compassion. For if it does not rethink your spirituality and in what does it serve?
l realize I have never gotten off of my path, that I merely stopped to deal with all the little deaths. The house is clear yet again and I am grateful. There is no more contrived being, I am once again being delivered into the basic space of pure being. All of this comes after rupture, many tiny little ruptures. And the most poignant thing about all the little losses, life simply keeps going. It just keeps going. I am yet again reborn.
Happy Buddha Day on May 7th,
See you for the Sound Bath